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»Forums Index »Machinima Forum »General Machinima Discussions »Friends For Live Episode 1 made by Rocket [script]

Author Topic: Friends For Live Episode 1 made by Rocket [script] (7 messages, Page 1 of 1)
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rocketman57
Joined: Feb 2, 2009

Machinmator


Posted: Mar 20, 2009 04:49 AM    Msg. 1 of 7       
rocket and donut are at there house (battle creek) there arguing who is more manley

rocket: hey wat u doing

donut: nothing just playing with myself

rocket: starts laughing

donut: not like that u sicko, and who cares at least i got somthing to play with (ha ha)

rocket: man i play with girls all the time, unlike u.

donut: stfu if i had a girl friend i would treat her nicely im not a playa like u

rocket: any way i went to billy's place (blood gulch) yesterday, do u want to see if he has them warthogs?, so we can dive around and do burn outs in them.

donut: yeah k that would be better than arguing about who has the bigger penis, like we do every other day

rocket and dount arrive at billys place (blood Gulch) they walk up to the house (red base) yelling out billy r u there and they c billy at the top of the base.

then someone snipes billy ,rocket and donut r yelling out NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! really loud (ill make it sound really long).

we get up on the base and look at billy that is dead right infront of us [rocket grab a sniper] then runs to the back of the base

donut: hey rocket were u going ? (and starts following slowly)

rocket is in the warthog and donut comes around the corner

rocket: get in

dount gets on the turrent

rocket: billy was my best friend ,we need to get pay back

dount: i thought i was your best friend

rocket: u r my best friend u can have more then 2 best friends idiot.

donut: oh yeah, LETS DO THIS THEN

warthog gose over the hill and the end of episode 1

I made this thread so ppl can c wat im making i dont need any other ppl

!!PLZ POST A REPLY ON WHAT U THINK ABOUT THE SCRIPT!!

Video:
*PG 13+ RECOMMENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES 13 and over
*Mild Level Coarse Language
*Action Flim
*Mild Violence
Edited by rocketman57 on Mar 20, 2009 at 04:51 AM


Slayer117
Joined: Oct 3, 2008

Host of CE3 2010-forever!


Posted: Mar 20, 2009 08:50 AM    Msg. 2 of 7       
ummmmm what were you aiming for exactly it just sounds like a ummmm nothing. If your trying to make a drama/comedy machinima have fun with it. also you said you are the only one doing it. you better have good voice acting cause if 2 people sound the same they will be very upset. Take digital ph33r for example great voice actiing so he can do all the roles. But if you can't then i sugest you get someone else to join. But how are you going to put other peole in the series besides you? unless you get other online gamers and they just go where they are supsosed to go they won't be so happy since they probably won't get any credit. so thats my 2 cents.


Gamma927
Joined: Jun 12, 2008

Steam: gamma927


Posted: Mar 20, 2009 07:09 PM    Msg. 3 of 7       
Quote: --- Original message by: rocketman57

rocket and donut are at there house (battle creek) Win :) there arguing who is more manley

rocket: hey wat u doing

donut: nothing just playing with myself

rocket: starts laughing

donut: not like that u sicko, and who cares at least i got somthing to play with (ha ha) lame comeback to a sexual joke.

rocket: man i play with girls all the time, unlike u.

donut: stfu if i had a girl friend i would treat her nicely im not a playa like u

rocket: any way i went to billy's place (blood gulch) yesterday, do u want to see if he has them warthogs?, so we can dive around and do burn outs in them.

donut: yeah k that would be better than arguing about who has the bigger penis, like we do every other day By now, I'm pretty sure you're trying to put sexual jokes in every sentence.

rocket and dount arrive at billys place (blood Gulch) they walk up to the house (red base) yelling out billy r u there and they c billy at the top of the base.

then someone snipes billy ,rocket and donut r yelling out NOOOOOOOOOOOO!! really loud (ill make it sound really long).

we get up on the base and look at billy that is dead right infront of us [rocket grab a sniper] then runs to the back of the base

donut: hey rocket were u going ? (and starts following slowly)

rocket is in the warthog and donut comes around the corner

rocket: get in

dount gets on the turrent

rocket: billy was my best friend ,we need to get pay back

dount: i thought i was your best friend

rocket: u r my best friend u can have more then 2 best friends idiot. No you can't.

donut: oh yeah, LETS DO THIS THEN

warthog gose over the hill and the end of episode 1

I made this thread so ppl can c wat im making i dont need any other ppl

!!PLZ POST A REPLY ON WHAT U THINK ABOUT THE SCRIPT!!

Video:
*PG 13+ RECOMMENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES 13 and over
*Mild Level Coarse Language
*Action Flim
*Mild Violence
Edited by rocketman57 on Mar 20, 2009 at 04:51 AM


You said that it's an action film. All I saw was a bunch of kids arguing about who's penis is longer, and all sorts of un-funny sexual jokes. Also, a word of advice from my drama teacher. Build up character. I don't really care if Bill dies, because I don't know who he is. Build up character, and make the audience bond with the characters of the video. I really don't care if they all die in a very bloody and gory fashion. Show us why Bill is human, and why we should care if he dies. And tone down the sexual jokes. They're what middle-schoolers would say. Seriously,

Quote: --- Original message by: donut
donut: not like that u sicko, and who cares at least i got somthing to play with (ha ha)


See? Lame comeback. Either improve on the sexual jokes, or remove them at all.


Nexus Halo
Joined: Feb 24, 2007

Halo's Dark Knight http://www.nexushalo.kk5.org/


Posted: Mar 20, 2009 08:11 PM    Msg. 4 of 7       
I suggest you change the names. People who watch Machinima's will know the name Donut from Red Vs Blue and Rocket doesn't really seem like a name.


Slayer117
Joined: Oct 3, 2008

Host of CE3 2010-forever!


Posted: Mar 20, 2009 08:45 PM    Msg. 5 of 7       
Don't wory dude just work on scripts for 6 months like i did and soon youll be k


DarkZealot
Joined: Jan 1, 2008

Time management: 40% Xbox, 30% PC, 30% Skating


Posted: Mar 21, 2009 05:23 PM    Msg. 6 of 7       
Quote: --- Original message by: haloslayer21
dude if u need i help hust give me all the info i will be there

halo name:hell

got halo crack version

bad graphic card
good at killing(lol)


WELL THAT ALL FOKES


Oh boy. That's...gonna go over real well.


Polamee
Joined: Feb 25, 2008

MP2SPMT's founder


Posted: Mar 21, 2009 11:43 PM    Msg. 7 of 7       
Right. No offence, but this is one of the most horrible machinima scripts that I've ever seen. First of all, it bothers me that you did not use good grammar in your script, making it hard to understand. How do you expect ppl to follow a script if they can't even understand it?

Second, improve on the quality of your jokes and humor. I didn't even laugh. Not even a chuckle (though I found your grammar and spelling a bit amusing). There are also a lot of other areas that you can improve in (i.e characterization, like Gamma stated).

 

 
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